Gratitude Fatigue
Thanksgiving is here, and with it comes the annual parade of gratitude. Social media floods with posts about blessings, friends and family gather to share what they’re thankful for, and gratitude journals get their yearly spotlight. On the surface, this emphasis on thankfulness is a beautiful tradition. But for some, the pressure to be grateful, especially when life feels heavy, can feel less like a joy and more like a burden.
This phenomenon is what I call gratitude fatigue—when the societal push to focus on what you’re thankful for starts to feel forced, disingenuous, or even guilt-inducing.
The Gratitude Mandate
Gratitude is everywhere. From self-help books to mental health advice, it’s often presented as a panacea for life’s struggles. Research does show that practicing gratitude can improve mood, strengthen relationships, and enhance overall well-being. But what happens when it becomes a mandate rather than a choice?
For people navigating grief, financial hardship, or mental health challenges, the expectation to be thankful can feel like an emotional bypass. It can come across as a dismissal of their struggles, leaving them wondering, Why can’t I just feel grateful?
Don’t get me wrong; there is always something to be grateful for, and there is always a bright side to uncover. But it’s counterproductive to use gratitude to suppress or cover up what is really happening.
Take the example of someone who has recently lost a loved one. While the world encourages them to “focus on the good times” or “be thankful for the years you had together,” such well-meaning phrases may feel hollow or even invalidating. Gratitude, in this context, becomes just another item on an already overwhelming to-do list.
When Gratitude Feels Forced
Gratitude fatigue often stems from the belief that we must suppress negative emotions to make space for thankfulness. But this approach can backfire. Suppressing emotions like sadness or anger doesn’t make them disappear; instead, it can amplify stress and lead to emotional exhaustion.
Forcing yourself to feel thankful when you’re struggling can also create feelings of inadequacy. It’s a cycle many people fall into: You don’t feel thankful enough, so you feel guilty—and that guilt makes it even harder to connect with authentic gratitude.
The Brain Can Hold Contradictions
One of the most remarkable aspects of the human brain is its ability to hold space for seemingly contradictory emotions. You can grieve the loss of a loved one and still feel gratitude for the support of friends. You can feel disappointed by a missed opportunity and still be thankful for the progress you’ve made. These emotions are not mutually exclusive; they coexist, enriching the complexity of our inner workings.
Yet many people struggle to navigate this duality, particularly when sharing their feelings with others. I’ve worked with clients who’ve tried to express their sense of “something missing” or feelings of being down, even as they acknowledge their gratitude for life’s blessings. Unfortunately, their vulnerability is often met with well-meaning but dismissive responses like, “Oh, stop, you’re fine. You have so much to be grateful for.”
While intended to be encouraging, such responses can feel invalidating, as if the person’s struggles aren’t worthy of acknowledgment because they “should” focus on their blessings. This dynamic often induces shame, leaving the individual feeling guilty for having any negative emotions at all.
It’s important to remember: Gratitude doesn’t cancel out pain—and it’s not meant to. The goal isn’t to force ourselves into a singular emotional state but to honor the full spectrum of our experiences.
Reframing Gratitude
Gratitude, when practiced authentically, is not about denying difficulties or forcing positivity. It’s about finding space for thankfulness alongside whatever else you’re feeling. It’s about recognizing that being thankful and being hurt, frustrated, or grieving can coexist.
Here are a few ways to reframe your gratitude practice:
Be Specific. Focus on tangible moments or experiences that feel meaningful rather than vague, general thankfulness.
Validate All Emotions. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions, acknowledging both the good and the hard.
Set Boundaries. If gratitude practices like journaling or group sharing feel overwhelming, it’s okay to scale back or opt out.
Gratitude should feel like a gift, not an obligation.
A More Honest Thanksgiving
As Thanksgiving approaches, it’s worth reconsidering how we think about gratitude. Rather than treating it as an obligation or a quick fix, we can view it as an invitation—a practice that’s most impactful when it feels genuine. True gratitude doesn’t ask us to ignore our struggles or bypass our pain. Instead, it allows us to hold space for the complexity of our emotions, reminding us that being thankful doesn’t mean we have to be untouched by life’s challenges.